A field report of an alien who still does not grasp Earth's version of "normality".
Cichutki kosmita
uśmiecha się z grzeczności —
to błąd systemowy.
Sometimes I have the impression that there is some secret manual on Earth that no one has handed me. A kind of interspecies "manual" that says when you need to smile even though you don't want to, and when you should pretend that everything is great, even though I internally want to log out of my life and return to my home planet.
Because yes, dear Mother Ship — I'm sure I'm here on a field mission.
Only sometimes I don't know what it is.
People say things they don't say
For example, the famous "feel at home".
No, I don't feel like it.
Not at all.
Or "we have to meet someday", which in the Earthling dictionary means more or less: never, provided you don't remind me of it with a message.
Is there a PDF dictionary available somewhere?
I can send my own comments in passing.
Or maybe I have other software?
Sometimes I suspect that there was a system update on my planet that I didn't download. Maybe I clicked something wrong? Maybe I had to choose the social communication 2.0 option, and I checked the power saving mode?
And now I live like this: analyzing every word, every face, every comma between "it's nothing" and the actual "it's something."
I feel like an alien with a limited data package, trying to embrace a world where people mainly communicate... exactly, between words.
So I am sending you, Mother Ship, a report from the surface of the planet
"People ask 'how are you?', but they usually expect an answer that is less than half the truth.
"Sometimes they laugh when they feel bad and shut up when they need to speak the most.
"They live in noise, and then they say that they 'relax with music'.
"They constantly touch each other accidentally, instead of treating it as an alert about a biological threat.
"They insist that small talk is natural.
"They say spontaneity is 'cool'. (I had to take a break for laughter here.)
Summary of today's mission
I'm trying, I'm really trying.
I try not to reveal that after every social interaction I need a little meditation, silence or at least an astral return home for a while, where no one expects me to interpret someone's eyebrows.
But there is also good news: sometimes I meet people who do not require me to know this invisible textbook. People who do not expect theater, masking and acting skills. People with whom this earthly mission becomes... bearable.
I continue to send greetings to the rest from the battlefield.
And to you, dear Mother Ship — thank you for your constant space roaming.
However, if you have the Earthlings user manual in the extended version, I will be happy to update the system.
Or at least I'll reboot it silently in safe mode.
CDN — because there are never too many reports from this planet.
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